12:25am

...and we've hit a new record.  z woke up at 12:25am.  the earliest time in about a month and a half...

bad.

bad week.  z has been sleeping like crap this week, waking up frequently so that i haven't gotten more than three hour bits at a time.  i can't have any bit of caffeine or chocolate, because it seems to magnify z's colicky behavior, so i just have to deal with the lack of sleep.  i'm grumpy.  i cry frequently.  i want to return him.  but there's nowhere to return him to.  i don't understand why he cries so much, and why it's happening NOW.  we finally went to see a new pediatrician on tuesday.  the doctor was fantastic, as was his office & staff.  unfortunately he didn't have much help to offer, other than to say that whatever it is is not harming him physically.  and he said it wasn't diet related, not dairy or wheat or something.  i'm still supposed to avoid (as i said above) caffeine, onions, etc.  it could be something related to his GERD, or perhaps teething, or who knows.  we have to carry him around a lot during the episodes.  or sometimes time playing in the mirror helps.  or listening to his mobile music & watching it (from our arms).  it's exhausting.  today it started at 1pm.  often it starts at 3pm.  i can't handle this lack of sleep forever.

christmas '08

here's one last pic of z from christmas.  this will probably be the last of blogging for awhile...

since z received an exersaucer from grandma tigard for christmas, his play gym thing hasn't gotten as much use.  persia, on the other hand, finds it pretty cozy.

here are a couple of pics of z in an outfit from his uncle e's mother in law from spain.... he's not too happy in the bottom one!

here are a couple of pics of zane in an outfit from a symphony friend.  i can't believe it fits him already...

i forgot... last friday, aunt m was really nice and babysat z while j & i went to see slumdog millionaire.  it was a good movie.  i was afraid it would be really depressing, but while parts were sad, it was generally uplifting.  thanks so much for your time, auntie m!

clearly, from all these pictures i have yet to post, i've gotten a bit behind on the blogging.  the minute i have time during the day, z starts crying & needs to change activities or nurse.  and in the evening, i'm just too tired to collect my thoughts, or it's in the middle of the night & i have plenty of thoughts, but don't want to wake up enough to write them because it uses time that should be spent sleeping.  

i had to run about a half mile of the last bit of the walk because z started crying.  i haven't been running yet because my abs are still healing from the c-section.  i'm starting to realize it was too much - it's starting to hurt when i lift & carry z around.  sigh.

and a bit more on the scavenger aspect of parenting... i'm lucky to live in the age of the internet, with so many resources online, but finding time to do the research & digest it is hard to find.  after teaching, i have about an hour or two to eat dinner, pump, & do other emailing for teaching before i have to get to bed, as some nights are shorter than others, depending on how frequently z wakes.  it's hard to remember what needs to be done, hard to remember what to research.  i have no idea how some moms do it...

christmas '08

here's a picture of an unhappy z in his stocking at grandma & grandpa tigard's home.  

christmas '08

here's a pic of aunt c holding z, with matching cap & everything.  the outfit was originally for j, but he outgrew it before he could wear it for his first christmas, so z got it and wore it instead.

christmas '08

here's a pic of j & z with his cousin j, & aunt c.  

christmas '08

here are some pics from christmas... 

mom b'day

two weekends ago, we made dinner for my mom's birthday at her house.  two of the candles on her dessert were trick candles...

play group

i hosted a playgroup on wednesday, which kept me busy last weekend with cooking and cleaning.  here's a pic of three of the older babies, who were all looking at each other.  there was a total of seven babies & seven moms- it was a little crowded.  next time i host i think we'll hang out in the basement.  we meet every other wednesday, & we take turns hosting it.  it's an offshoot from the moms group i meet up with every monday.  

so this is what zane wore on inauguration day.  i tried to catch him smiling, but kept missing.  he's been a challenge lately.  this past week he was extremely colicky as the days progressed, one late afternoon crying for over two hours.  i'm on an elimination diet now, as i think his distress was diet related.  it's exhausting when he's so fussy.  and feedings are frustrating with the whole gastric reflux thing, as he pulls off frequently, crying, requiring burping or walking around, only to try again for another 30 seconds.  i'm still getting used to the teaching schedule.  my milk supply was better this week, but only because i would pump when waking up in the middle of the night, and after night feedings, and whenever the opportunity presented itself.  i often feel like a gerbil running on one of those wheels, trying to stay ahead.  and unfortunately most of the milk i pumped this past week had to be quarantined in the freezer as "colic" milk, so here i am again having to catch up, so that my mom & j have enough to feed him while i'm teaching.  parenting is one scavenger hunt, so to speak, after another.  infant gets uncharacteristically fussy, so parent frantically searches for the cause, and then researches solutions.  there's lots of help online, but it's all completely conflicting.  so... what did i do this weekend... i had an ice cream date for mommy time set up before the colic started happening & the elimination diet, so i went ahead & had one small scoop from baskin robbins.  so far cherry jubilee isn't much of a problem.  i watched z while j went climbing today, and a friend came over to chat.  z & i went for a long walk.  yesterday was spent doing chores.  friday night i cooked the food for the diet - roasted a turkey, along with potatoes, yams, & squash, & cooked rice.  we watched a movie, and did the same last night.  i'm thinking of canceling our cable.  we never have the time to watch tv, and if we have free moments, i'd rather spend them watching an actual movie.  and most of what we would want to watch, we can find online, like snippets from the daily show.  the only thing is that we would need to get a digital tv to be able to get any sort of reception at all.  our dishwasher is broken, so we've been washing all the dishes by hand this weekend.  a repair person is coming tomorrow.  i hope we don't need a new one.  i'm worried about the recession and the safety of j's job.  intel is doing lots of cost cutting.  

life is so busy these days. i have lots of thoughts to record, not to mention pictures, but no time.  z is getting bigger & bigger.  his grip is getting stronger, he's able to stand (assisted, of course) for longer & longer periods of time.  he loves standing in front of mirrors!  we're working on tummy time.  he's not a big fan of it.  my mom said my brother wasn't either, and never crawled.  he went straight to walking, so perhaps z will go that way, too.  who knows.  he's able to sit in the bumbo chair for a decent amount of time, and we just sat him in an exersaucer yesterday, for the first time.  every time since, he's had more and more fun.  it's a total sensory overload for him.  it's really entertaining to watch.  

z has had trouble & pain with feeding, so we went to the pediatrician, and he put him on zantac.  unfortunately, the pharmacist made the prescription out for FIVE TIMES what the dosage was supposed to be, and they caught the mistake when we went for a refill.  j & i were so upset.  what if it had been lethal????!  how would they have rectified the situation?  as it was, rite aid gave us the refill for free.  we've tried to speak to the district manager pharmacist to complain, but he hasn't returned our phone call.  we'll keep trying.  

i think the medicine is helping z, but he still has pain sometimes.  i have to be sure to nurse him upright, & keep him sitting up 10 min after every feeding.  he's doing a pretty good job of sleeping these days, with a couple of odd nights now & then.  perhaps due to his good sleeping, z eats about every two hours throughout the day, making it hard to get anything done.  everything takes twice as much effort.  it feels like i'm losing my mind.  i repeat myself in conversation.  my short term memory is completely shot.  it feels as if i have no organizational skills whatsoever.  i started teaching again full time, last week.  my mom watches z while j is at work.  it's going well, but i'm really tired at the end of the day, and it feels like i never get much of a break.  the day goes by, and i have about one hour to get emails done & everything.  then it's time to pump & go to bed.  and it feels like i'm constantly washing the pumping parts.  i'm afraid my supply is going down.  i don't know if it's stress, or just fatigue, or just less nursing on z's part... i'm trying to eat oatmeal every day, which is supposed to help.  luckily i have some milk stored in the freezer, but i worry it won't be enough.  i really don't want to have to wake up in the middle of the night just to pump, but i might have to start doing that.  that's the last thing i need...

3 months

our little top banana is 3 months old today!  his quarter birthday!  yes, we sang to him this morning.  no cake, though.  just milk.  at the doctor's office on tuesday, he weighed in at 15lbs, 4.5 oz.  he's growing bigger.  we just went through his clothes & cleared out most of the 3 month things.  he barely fits into 3-6 month things.  6 month clothes are a bit of a better fit.  especially for jackets.  those are really hard to get on an infant in the first place, and it always helps if it's a little extra large.  he's started to put his hands in his mouth and suck on them a little bit.  he's talking & laughing more and more every day.  his squeals are so cute!  and the best part of the day is picking him up out of the crib after he's been sleeping.  he always greets us with a smile (even at 4am) and the best cuddling... he's always just so happy to see us!  we went to the doctor's this week for two more vaccinations and because i was concerned he had gastric reflux.  we're trying zantac.  he's not screaming in pain anymore when feeding, so i think it's helping, but he hates the taste of the medicine.  we started to mix it in a bottle with some breast milk.  it helps, but he still makes a yucky face sometimes when drinking it.  poor thing.  

we need to work more on tummy time.  he's never liked it, and because he would spit up so much & had the gastric issues, i guess we avoided it too much.  we're having fun working on it, though, and are finding new ways to play with him each day.  he's such a cutie!