badly behaved z

this is one of those days. one of those days where i've questioned my decision to become a parent. z hit me this morning with a kaleidoscope. we were sitting on the couch, and he sort of held it in the air, still, looking straight at me, and then hit me hard on the head. i took him to time out in his crib, a bit roughly because i was so angry, and slammed the door shut (which i know teaches him bad things, but i couldn't help it - i was mad), and he actually started crying. i was sobbing when i went to get him, because i couldn't believe he would do such a mean thing.

later in the morning he started ripping the wall paper off the bathroom wall while i was using the toilet, so i made him do a time out on the floor. he just now hit me again - not with any object, but with his head. we were sitting together on a couch reading books, and he was leaning against me. he sat forward, then flung himself backwards, sending his head into my face. he was doing that a lot yesterday in the music together class. i don't understand why he has to behave this way. i'm nearing the end of my rope, even though i had 1.5 hours away from him this morning.