stupid day.

this was one of those no good horrible very bad days.  i didn't sleep so well last night.  the pumpkin was very fussy today.  he barely slept for his second nap, and woke up screaming.  he usually screams for a few minutes halfway through his naps, before falling back to sleep for a significant time, but not this time.  he wouldn't calm down when i picked him up.  i tried nursing him, but he bit my nipple and wouldn't let go - i had to pull out through his teeth.  i started crying too, and this was 10 min before i had to go teach a lesson.  and then i was so tired after teaching when we were at new seasons doing the grocery shopping - i dropped two of three of my yogurts & they splattered all over the floor & my jeans.  i had to ask a worker to clean it up - i felt like a little kid.  they're always so nice when something like that happens - they don't charge you for it.  i still feel bad about it.  i've broken so many jars of baby food - they're stacked so precariously, and i get really clumsy & jittery with sleep deprivation.  lately i can't tolerate any caffeine - no chocolate, not even decaf coffee.  so i'm constantly tired.  i haven't exercised in such a long time, because it's more important to sleep when i can.  i spent the evening cooking food for j & i, and separate food for z.  i was so so so exhausted when i finally finished that i went straight to bed.  i did some sudoku, & then turned out the light.  i fell asleep for about a half hour, and something woke me up.  and now i've been lying in bed, unable to sleep.  i just got up for a small snack.  i'll try sudoku-ing again.  i hope i can sleep.  i'm so tired.  z must be teething or something - he felt warm to the touch today.  i took his temp once, and it was 100.3 - not an official fever.  but i think he's been extra fussy.  of course part of it was due to his lack of a real afternoon nap - 35 min does not do it.  he didn't make it to his new 8pm bedtime.  j started bedtime early (i was cooking).  by the time friday comes, i don't have any patience left, especially when he bites me... most kids are soothed by nursing.  not mine.  i don't think he "knows" mommy, or at least doesn't prefer me over anyone else.  he never went through the whole attachment thing, and should have by now if he was going to.  on one hand i'm happy, but on the other, it makes me feel like a bad mother.  i guess i shouldn't bother with nursing anymore.  he really doesn't seem to like it.