5 months.

our little mothra is 5 months old now.  he had two more vaccinations on wednesday, and weighed in at 18 lbs, 2.5 ounces.  he's not a small guy.  clothes that are 9-12 months are the most comfortable on him, at least for pants.  i rarely dress him in anything but sleepers these days because pants really cut into his pudgy middle.  he's quite the little sausage!  he eats like crazy, and still doesn't like to suck very hard -  he likes a strong flow.  this means that he only half empties my breasts when breast feeding, and so i have to pump pretty much after every f#^&(ing feeding, AND i have to wake up every night and pump, separate from any time i have to get up and feed him, just to keep enough milk on hand for when i'm teaching.  on nights where j is on baby duty, it's certainly manageable.  but when i'm on duty, this means an extra waking.  and pumping is not quick.  it can take over a half hour to completely empty the breast.  and if i don't empty everything out, i won't produce as much.  so, it's 5:58am, and i'm finishing this night's pumping.  z has begun waking up earlier to eat.  he used to fuss around 3, and go back to sleep without us getting up, and then wake up at 5 or 6 to eat.  now he cried around midnight or 1, requiring us to actually get up & re-pacify him or re-swaddle him, then wakes up again at 3 needing a serious feeding.  perhaps it's switching to daylight savings time.  dunno.  anyway, i'm sick of the new schedule and my pumping.  some people are telling me to give up and start with formula, others are saying stick with the nursing, it won't last forever, that it's something you just have to endure.  some people say we're feeding him too much - he's so fat, and instead of feeding him, we should find other ways to pacify him.  others say if he's hungry, he should be fed.  i really don't know who to listen to, but i'm exhausted.  my breasts are sore.  my fingers and thumbs are getting cramps from so much compression while pumping.  i'm sick of these extra baby pounds, but being up a million times a night takes a lot of energy, and i'm too tired to exercise (and i barely have any extra time to exercise with all this stupid pumping), because i have to bear this lack of sleep without any caffeine because it affects z.  so i still can't eat any CHOCOLATE, and i can't eat things with onions, garlic, beans, broccoli, etc. during the week, i have to nap whenever z naps just to get through a day of teaching.  spring break is coming up - not this week, but the following week.  we're going to bend this coming weekend for our nephew's first birthday, and it will be our first time staying in a hotel.  aside from introducing z to swimming for the first time, i'm dreading it.  how will he sleep in a pack n' play?  will he wake up every hour?  last time we checked, he didn't like to sleep with us.  how will i pump in the middle of the night without waking him or j up?  will the refrigerator be large enough to store all the milk?  will the sink be large enough in which to wash all the pumping parts?  should i start formula?  i'm trying to wait until april 10, his six month birthday, but i'm sick of pumping.  i'm barely keeping up with him.  just when i think i'm getting ahead, he wakes up an extra time and eats a ton, and i see my bottles lined up in the refrigerator have disappeared.  feels like a kick in the gut.