s's birthday

in the ohsu parking lot before the big day, on the way up to the labor & delivery ward.


view outside my temporary room.


beautiful sunrise & view of mt hood - a great day to be born!


mommy waiting nervously.


aunt m & uncle j waiting, not nervously.


brother & sister having fun. i was already in the operating room.


waiting for sounds of baby s.


the cord is being cut...


yay! i'm free! but it's cold out here!

here's a pic from s's first bath.

i've been too busy to blog lately - don't often have two hands free to type.
what have we been up to? two weekends ago we had lots of visitors (m, r, & c) who brought us food, and two (d & j) made us brunch two sundays ago! what a treat. last weekend brought a couple more visitors (a & k), and j & i went wine tasting on sunday. we visited archery summit, bergstrom (our first time), and argyle. i definitely felt the wine - a little too much, and perhaps not the way to usher in j's first full days at work. my friend s came over monday & brought lots of food, which helped, and friend v brought food mon evening. we had play dates tues & wed afternoons, but man... life has been hard. s's reflux is really bad.
i had a lactation appointment on tuesday - my 4th - because s will just not latch well. she keeps destroying my nipples, so i end up having to take a break and pump/bottle feed, which takes so much more time, leaving me with less sleep. doris determined her bad latch is due to her reflux - she feels the food coming up, so she clamps down to try to keep it down (or something like that - i don't quite understand the particulars). doris called s's pediatrician to get us in to be seen right away in order to get her meds adjusted. dr. thomas was reluctant to change anything until i broke down in tears - it's been absolutely exhausting pumping, feeding, bottle feeding, and managing z. he suggested more frequent feedings, but that's impossible while watching a 3 year old & a 1 month old. he finally agreed to let us do the prilosec 2 times a day, along with the zantac 2 times a day. this way she has something approximately every 6 hours. the doctor suggested we put z in preschool full time as a way to help manage his behavior and give me more of a break, which i think is ridiculous. that wouldn't help the behavior, but just postpone it. z is a delicate kid... putting him in full time preschool would make this transition even harder for him. the doctor did not agree with doris, that her latch is due to her reflux. i am more inclined to believe doris. i'm thinking of switching pediatricians, or perhaps taking her to a pediatric gastroenterologist. not quite sure what to do, but the current situation is not sustainable because i'm losing my sanity. she feeds, spits up, then feeds again, then spits up, then feeds again, repeated ad nauseum with pooping thrown in. she is managing to gain weight well because of our hard work with the continuous feeding. both doris and dr. thomas said i'm welcome to try formula, and dr. thomas even sent me home with two sample containers, if it becomes even more difficult to produce enough breast milk (since she spits so much of it up & then just wants more). i don't want to go that route, though, because formula is not digested as easily as breast milk, and i'd think it would hurt her even more to spit up formula.
i am hoping the increased dosages will help decrease the spitting up, solving the supply issue & improving her latch, so that i don't have to pump so much.
on top of all of that, z has been complaining of a sore tummy this morning. i cannot take one more thing!!!!!!

z's behavior is marginally better, so i chalk it up to the steroids that were making him incredibly bad. however, he's still acting out. throwing hammers at the window, dumping water out of glasses, throwing books (once in the toilet), etc. i'm exhausted from dealing with it, from trying to give him special time with just me, from ignoring the small bad behavior when he's just trying to get a rise out of us. i'm tired of sore breasts from breast feeding and pumping. i'm tired of them waking me up when i need to feed or pump again. i'm tired of getting less than three hours of sleep in one stretch. i'm tired of a baby that spits up incessantly and doesn't sleep when i have the time and ability to sleep. the zantac is doing nothing for her. and we're out of cloth diapers already, which work the best for all the spit up. lots of tears today. now i have a killer headache.

losing my mind

z is being so incredibly badly behaved. for example - he hit his sister with a bottle three times before i could get him away from her. we were on a walk and he overturned somebody's bucket of recyclable glass bottles (halfway up a steep hill), so we had to chase down the bottles & pick up broken glass. every little thing we ask him to do, he turns into a battle - getting dressed, eating, using the potty - you name it, he battles. i was doing bath time last night and he refused to get out of the tub. i'm not allowed to lift him, so he sat there without water for about 10 min. the other night he refused to take his medicine - j had to pry his mouth open to get it in. we have taken away so many privileges, and it doesn't seem to do a damn thing. we don't believe in spanking, but believe me, i feel like throwing him halfway around the world. i will try ignoring some of the behavior, because i'm sure part of it is him testing boundaries and wanting to get a reaction out of us. i don't know what else to do. some of the behavior can be attributed to steroids - prednisone- we gave him for his cough two nights ago, but he's never been this bad. i'm already worn out from a night of no sleep & a day of appointments... i don't know how i'm going to survive if this behavior continues. along with s spitting up - and so far the zantac has done nothing for her... thank goodness j let me sleep most of last night, and i was lucky that s slept for a long stretch of time during my time to be up with her. j managed to get her to sleep in the bassinet in her crib, propped up at one end - she slept from around 1 to 7am. i'm sure it will not be reproduced if i'm the one on duty... sigh. awful. just awful.

a little update... and a halloween video

here's a little video from halloween.

a cute thing i can't remember if i've documented yet... z always says "no, not simple, no" from the "simple it's not to make up your mind" page in the "oh the places you'll go" book by dr. seuss. it used to be his favorite book at bedtime. lately we've been reading "green eggs & ham" & 5 poems from "where the sidewalk ends." and we always have to read the poem "one sister for sale" on p. 52 first - should i be worried?

so i saw the lactation guru Doris yesterday again. i tried having s breastfeed, and learned good positioning strategies to reduce pain. we discussed some "homeopathic" ways to try to manage s's massive spitting up. we're not supposed to actively try to burp her - just to hold her upright after feeding and wait for a burp (or a toot). even after doing that she still spits up. we also put j's largest chemistry books under two legs of the crib so that she sleeps at an angle. after pumping only - no breast feeding - for five days, i breast fed only all last night until, unfortunately, at 5am my nipples were hurting too much to feed her anymore. they're destroyed again. i'll try just pumping for the rest of today, and see if they can handle her latching again tonight. aside from the pain, it was so much easier just breast feeding because i could just sleep until she cried, instead of having to worry about waking up every 3 hours to pump, and coordinating feeding s on top of that, & getting her back to sleep. i woke up feeling pretty rested this morning for the first time in awhile. we have another appointment with doris on tuesday. if her spitting up has not improved significantly, we're hoping something official written by doris will help convince s's pediatrician - whom we see the next day - to let us try zantac to combat the reflux. i think it's beginning to cause her pain, as she was crying a lot last night after spitting up. she is managing to gain weight, so she's not spitting up 100% of what she takes in.
my belly is getting smaller, and i've lost most of the swelling. i have 17 lbs to go before i'm back to my normal weight. i'm finally trying out wearing normal underwear & maternity jeans today for the first time, instead of wearing pajamas & a robe & j's boxers.

ouch.

here's a picture from the hospital.
we're home now - came home saturday with baby s, and z came home yesterday (sunday). breast feeding seemed to be going well, but got gradually more & more painful. i finally gave in and set up an appointment with the "baby whisperer" doris at st. vincent hospital. evidently my nipples are so cracked & scabbed & damaged that i'm supposed to pump instead of letting s breast feed while they heal. this means i have to pump every 3 hours & then bottle feed her. thankfully, she takes the bottle with no problem. i have another appointment on friday to hopefully re-introduce the nipple to her, this time the "correct" way, a way that won't hurt me. i also need a new breast pump. supposedly j has a benefit that mostly covers one, so that's his project this morning while z is in school. the pumping is still painful, but not as painful as breast feeding. so far i'm making plenty to keep up with s, even getting a little ahead. i don't know about j, but i feel super overwhelmed. my whole body hurts everywhere, and the pain medicine doesn't help that much. i can't take as much of the narcotics as i want to take because they didn't give me enough anti-nausea medicine to go with it. my whole body is swollen from the extra fluid they gave me for the spinal, which adds to the pain. my mom has been helping out a ton, which i really appreciate. we wouldn't survive without it.
z went to church with grandma yesterday, and then she brought him home. he & daddy carved pumpkins. today he went dressed in his ghost costume to school, and he & daddy will go trick or treating with the neighbors tonight. i'll be pumping, feeding, & sleeping.

baby s & mommy.
i made it through the c-section. i was a bit more calm this time around, but it was just as unpleasant as the first time. baby s is a little better at breast feeding than z, but my nipples are beginning to hurt a lot. actually EVERYTHING hurts a lot. the pain is getting close to excruciating. they took out my catheter this morning & disconnected the iv (although they left the needle/port in, just in case), so i have to get up to use the bathroom. this is really really really painful. my back is really sore, too, probably from the spinal epidural, and from enduring odd positions from breast feeding. i don't remember it hurting this much the first time. baby s has been sleeping a fair amount. i was hoping to send her to the nursery at night, but they don't have a "nursery" anymore because this is a "family nursing unit" or something, so we just have to tough it out & take shifts.
i hate the recovery part. it's absolutely miserable. i have no idea how i'm going to manage with z at home with all of this pain. i can't think about it - too overwhelming.

two nights...

two nights now, until the c-section. i'm really really nervous. it's not easy enduring an operation while conscious. i'm worried about whether everything will go smoothly, if both j & m will be allowed in the operating room, if i'll have the shakes for an hour afterward like last time, if nursing will hurt as much as before. i'm excited to meet this little girl, who has been my constant companion for 9 or so months, but this is major surgery, and i don't enter into it lightly. our lives are going to change so much. i'm not ready for it, but i don't have a choice.

and z is really sick. he woke up with a fever this morning and a croupy cough, which meant he had to stay home from school. i did not anticipate this, and was really counting on having these next two mornings to myself to prepare myself mentally. sigh. such is motherhood. i took him to see his pediatrician just to be sure it was just croup, because he's had a cold for 13 days, and the last time he had croup it became pneumonia.

i'm SO upset because he most likely won't be allowed to come and see me and meet his baby sister in the hospital if he has any kind of cough. i guess we can skype, but it's not the same as getting a hug from my little pumpkin. his fever got worse after he napped this afternoon, so i'll be keeping him home from school again tomorrow. i can't imagine he'd be absolutely recovered by wednesday. i am still dealing with the residual bits of my cold, and wonder if i'll have to wear a mask or something around the baby. this has been 3 weekends, now, where i've been feeling under the weather. i have the worst immune system ever - it's so frustrating!

field trip

i had my first experience driving & chaperoning a field trip! we went to baggenstos farms out in rural tigard with pasitos spanish school.


on the hay ride... z loved it!


do you know what he might have been doing behind the tree?


yay for pumpkins! g-man, z's neighbor & friend, doesn't look too happy. he just doesn't like getting his picture taken.


grandma & g-man. and the little guy next to grandma rode in our car with us!


tractor tip!


um, i don't think you're supposed to steer with your feet!


obligatory goats, but we didn't pet them. z did put his mouth on the fence several times - i had to keep telling him to stop - disgusting!
it was fun, and we just missed some misty rain, but boy - I AM SORE!!! a little too much standing around & walking for my pregnant self. i'm in a lot of pain...

cookie baking

z & i made cookies yesterday - oatmeal craisin. i had my weekly ob appointment, and the doctor gave me a prescription for antibiotics. i spent the whole weekend in bed, and still feel yucky. sleeping is still painful, and having all the congestion doesn't help. having more braxton hicks contractions, with the
some random things... z has commented several times now, if we hear vinny jumping down from somewhere high, "what was that sound? was that a ghost?" no idea where he got the idea of ghosts from.
we're trying to work on z dressing himself, but it just takes forever sometimes! potty training is going fairly well. sometime soon we'll try him without diapers at nap time.

play date

here's a picture of mama h, little r, and z at our old house, a little after z's first birthday.


here's z & r, with r's daddy. they moved back to germany (they were here working for daimler for a couple years), and came back to portland for a visit.


z wouldn't cooperate & look at the camera (unusual for him). at least we can see r's parents! it was fun to see them. hopefully we can host r for a visit by himself when he's older!

home birthday

z's actual birthday fell on a monday, when daddy had to work and i had to teach. we had a quick celebration between my lessons. z never changed out of his pajamas after his nap - grandma figured it was his birthday, so she'd let him do what he wanted to do. we had a dinner of ravioli with rumiano, and olive bread - he loves pasta and olive bread!

z's THIRD birthday!!!

happy birthday z!!! we have now been parents for three years! we love you so much!


these cupcakes were a week long process. baked the cupcakes during z's naps 2 days in a row - luckily they froze & defrosted really well! it took forever to sort out the correct color m&m's & to drill the chocolate chip eyes into the white chocolate, but i managed to get it finished. all i had to do this morning was ice & assemble. still exhausting, though, along with all the other food & house cleaning. and now i have a rip roaring cold, my second for this month. not fun while pregnant. i still haven't eaten one of the finished products. i made additional cupcakes for the 16 kids and 3 teachers at zane's preschool to bring later today for snack time.


can you tell there was a "cars" theme?


card from mommy & daddy. it makes noise - vrrooooom!


there were three neighbor kids who all happily helped z open his gifts.


i'm three!!!


i had never seen one of these pull string pinatas. it was the only kind of lightning mcqueen pinata i could find online, and it worked quite well for inside. z was the lucky one and pulled the correct string to get the candy to fall out (thankfully after everyone had had a few turns), but as you can see, he didn't quite understand what it meant. the older girls went right for the candy, but it took him awhile to figure it out. lucky for him, 4 kids & 1 pinata leaves plenty of candy for everyone!


pinata, or hat???

the party was a lot of fun. the two neighbor families on either side of us attended, along with g'ma & g'pa, abuelo & abuela (thank you SO MUCH for taking pictures!!!), aunt m & uncle j, & cousin s & d. thank you everyone for coming to z's party!

baby sitters

j & i needed to go view photos from our photo session two weekends ago, and we weren't supposed to bring z, so aunt m & uncle j were so kind enough to agree to watch z while we went to sellwood. he got to play a bit before going down for his afternoon nap.


is anybody in there???


peekaboo!


fun with aunt m & uncle j

more pumpkin patch pics

z loved the water fountain! the grandmas contributed a few coins for him to throw in the water.


z + animals + our trusty driver in the background.


hello there!!!


should i go in???
he didn't stay in for very long. still scary.


yay - i'm at the top!!!

sigh.

toddlers....

pumpkin patch 2011

yesterday we visited a pumpkin patch in canby.

kiss for mommy on the train. z wanted to sit next to me, not daddy!

feeding the donkey...

feeding the goats...

pumpkin for baby jane

z & daddy climbed to the top of the hay pyramid!

z & pumpkins

grandparents.

z running to daddy...

the latest...

last weekend was busy with a neighbor's birthday party at playdate pdx, a family maternity photo shoot at campbell salgado studios, and uncle b visiting. mommy also had to teach on the weekend. daddy has been out of town this whole week, visiting lexington, ky, for work. z is spending tonight with grandma and grandpa, so i went out to eat with a friend for dinner at the hall street grill. i'm such a bad mommy - i forgot to call z to say goodnight! :( dinner ran late, and by the time i got home, z was already asleep. sigh. i'll see him tomorrow morning...
baby jane is busy in my belly. she's pummeling me in all directions. my ribcage has been aching a lot, adding to the difficulty of sleeping at night. i also get out of breath really easily - just standing makes me breathless. even lying down at night, it takes about a half hour for my pulse and breathing to normalize. it will be a long time until i have another good night of sleep (8 months???).
random thoughts... i'm finding the developments of "occupy wall street" very interesting. wish i could participate in the upcoming march (oct 6) of occupy portland, but it's not the wisest thing for a very very pregnant woman to do.
i'm reading a couple of very interesting books right now - "the immortal life of henrietta lacks" - brings up some important questions about tissue ownership & rights; and "the social animal" - a book exploring success, and what makes one successful. fun to have something decent to read...

omsi

one thursday morning, abuelo & abuela picked up z to take him to visit omsi with aunt m.


z, mommy, and baby jane, pre-visit


z on one of his favorite things in the world - escalators - with aunt m.


not sure exactly what this did... but he looks happy!


hey... that looks like my mommy! so that's what a baby sister looks like???!


fun with bubbles & abuelo & aunt m.


working some exploding bubble/water thing...


z & abuela & a space shuttle...
z had LOTS of fun and came home all worn out and ready for a nap! thank you so much, aunt m & abuelo & abuela!!!!!